the dog whines. the dog cries. at the end of it all... its just a dog's day.

letter to Bob 11 sep 2011

2011-09-11T20:55:00.002+08:00

Dear Bob

How are you stinky? So much has happened since u left. We've moved, You'll love the new place. Its got a stairway that u can run up and down all day. I think you will like Yuki too. She loves to play fetch and she'll nibble ur ears. She looks like you sometimes but she smells nothing like u and her appetite is nothing like yours . Hungry is still his silly old self but I think he misses having you around to defend him against the neighbourhood cats and eddy.

Bob, since you left, a huge piece of my art left with you. It could be an excuse but its just not the same without you around. Phunk invited me to do a piece about who inspired me. I immediately started digging out your photos. Smiling through my tears. i miss you so so much.

I had KFC today. Hungry and Yuki had a bit too. They didnt beg for it as much as you used to. I still can remember how you would bark for some. Have you met J's pa pa? Go look for him he will give you chicken and says its your birthday. : )

Dont fade away Bob. I love you and you will always be the white dog in my life. xxx

trip

2011-05-31T18:11:00.002+08:00

words from yesterday
came tumbling
saved emotions
these bookmarked pages

oh woe was aye
those days
pained canvas
inspired by love

sold

unwilling goodbye

2011-03-12T10:10:00.003+08:00

i read your post today
it brought clouds over my head
my heart aches for you
unfair is i can say

i've known of your happiness
for is he who's the reason
5 years and you are counting
cut short by a freak accident

i cannot imagine the pain
of losing someone so dear
i cannot imagine saying goodbye
when answers are so unclear

being strong is bullshit
carrying on is hard
i wish there's something i can do
to mend your broken heart

soon

2011-02-20T14:01:00.003+08:00

weariness resides in my core
fatiguing over uncompleted tasks
the daily grind of chores

mindless duties melting the hours
the journey long
turbulence laced
painfully bumping along

soon it will all ceased
a chanted mantra i repeat
rewards await
just another couple of weeks

forgotten

2011-01-11T22:14:00.004+08:00

i used to dream of a meadow
filled with fluttering butterflies
daffodils nodding in the gentle breeze
bobby and i playing chase
laughter ringing in my ears

i no longer dream of a meadow
the butterflies are gone
ive never seen a daffodil
and bobby is no longer here
but i do have a little house
and a man who loves me dear
i now laugh out loud a lot
dark clouds no longer near

i think ive lost my old self
im not longer extreme
i dont seek danger
nor try anymore new things
im so comfortable where i am
im sure i smile in my sleep
i no longer dream of meadows
because i now have blue sky to keep

tough start

2011-01-11T21:48:00.002+08:00

meaningless banging on the keyboard
15 hours days
wake to work to bed to wake to work
living for the weekends, too tired too ill
how did they do it
i thought i could
perseverance hanging by a thread
i can nearly hear myself
exhaling ' i give up'

older

2010-12-10T11:05:00.003+08:00

they say
you get wiser with age
experiences
added to knowledge
calmness
from being there before

yet

i see tears
you try to hide
insecurities
from petty nonsenses
what's good with age
if
you can't see for yourself

you know
it can be easy
or very hard
its a choice
a gamble of sorts
by now
after all these years
i would have thought
you would have known

games are for children
and
you are no longer a child
no more excuses
just grow up
its been too long
and way
overdue

aye

2010-10-03T18:31:00.003+08:00

the games we play
deceptions denials
convincing ourselves
its all okay

look the other way
ignoring sirens
it will all pass
thats what we say

same shit different day
time to disembark
and wonder
just what may

everyday

2010-10-03T18:24:00.002+08:00

settled
a flat line
repeated acts
no surprises
contentment
a point of view
blessings
are for counting
the boat
not for rocking

grow up

2010-05-12T14:54:00.002+08:00

what small life you live
inwardly indulgent
lamenting of self inflicted sorrows
angry and hateful
of a world betrayed
feeling misunderstood
alone in misery
wallowing in self pity
a joke
to whom who looked in
what silliness displayed
of a naive child
trapped in a body too old
berating unfairness
just because you were
too blind to see

being

2010-04-07T10:16:00.002+08:00

more
thats what we all ask for
never less
with what we can possess

enough
when we have too much stuff
thanks
for never being frank

truth
from which point of view
lies
crying wolf too many times

forgive
not without some grieve
blame
too often too lame

over
its time for closure
begin
history is not a sin

march

2010-03-04T14:32:00.003+08:00

relishing the moments
watching the minutes unfold
tenderfooting
unaware of what tomorrow holds

a nugget of doubts
festering within
but today is calm
throw cautions to the wind

riding the tide
awaiting shore
to land the feet
asking for nothing more

still

2010-02-19T14:41:00.003+08:00

if only we could be contend
with what we can hold in our hands
nothing new nothing more
just the same old stuff we've adored

yet our eyes wonder
hearts desiring more
thinking and wishing
of a better life awaiting

is it wrong or evil
when we want some changes
will we then be satisfied
or will we never cease to ponder

auld lang syne

2010-01-27T22:14:00.003+08:00

do u remember the y2k bug
its was a decade ago
even though the bug didnt bite
i had quite a ride

its wasnt so long ago
darkness ruled my days
in bitterness i lived
seeking escapes in forbidden arms

its all gone and the past
this will be a new start
in 2020
i'll look back with a smile

14 Dec 2009

2009-12-18T17:52:00.003+08:00

the days started dark
a daily routine
you, with world news
i, stories from home
sipping our coffee
silently
pass me the home section
you'd said
we swapped,
flipped
n sipped
this was how we spent
many a morning
in chatsworth
just us two
before the world
woke up

I miss you
Dad

countdown

2009-12-01T12:02:00.003+08:00

history, an omitted truth
selected memories
drawing smiles or tears
peppered with what ifs

haunting dreams
of uncompleted wakes
a reminder
of choices missed

brewing dread
as the end nears
things to be done
will roll over to next year

honestly

2009-10-19T14:54:00.002+08:00

i have nothing to hide
till something comes along
then i might
change my tune
dance around
deny all
and sing another song

carved

2009-09-18T12:34:00.002+08:00

look the other way
pretending all is fine
inside
a worm is gnawing
devouring the rot
trust destroyed
familiar thoughts
roots from yesterdays
dangling
nothing's changing
all is the same

ignore, ignore
they are the same
its all the same
nothing will ever

change

the same the same

the day before 1 year ago

2009-09-10T10:35:00.004+08:00

dear bobby

i cant believe that you have been gone for a year. just 356 days ago i was standing outside the vet with you in my arms. whispering to you, asking you to get well. i still recall your warm soft body fitting so perfectly in my arms the way it had for the 10 yrs you've been with me. i was the car the other day, looking through the ipod which had an album of your pictures. i miss you so much. looking at you made me cry. i couldnt drive after. i recall how youve grown, how your personality changed, how you lost your teeth, your weight. i remember your smell, where's its especially strong around your eyes and nice on your forehead. all your little quirks, how you would kick when i tickled your paws, rubbed your eyes with your paws when i blew into your face and how sometimes you would go "ah...niam, naim , naim" as you yawned . even the way you slept, C, F, I, mother hen and sometimes with your tongue sticking out. i miss talking to you bob. i miss you sitting on my lap listening like you actually understood all ive said. i miss you by my feet as i worked on my mac. i miss carrying you in my bags, i miss you so much.

if i ever lost my memory, let the image of u sticking your head out of the car window, ears flapping in the wind, with a look of complete bliss on your face, be the one sight that remains in my mind forever.

i love u and miss you so very much.

candy

funny

2009-08-09T14:07:00.002+08:00

isnt it funny
this thing call love
so intense one moment
next, a fleeting memory

promises made
of, forever and a day
if all were kept
how busy we will be

so, what do we do
with this thing call love
do we make more promises
just so that we can

break them, all over again

damn

2009-08-05T12:10:00.000+08:00

oh woe is happiness
for art cant be done
not a cloud above
sunshine in my eyes
blinding joy
bursting from within
there goes another day
wearing a silly grin
i cant paint
no angst to translate
i cant write
no sob tales to tell
oh woe is happiness
i have nothing left to sell

letter to whitedogbobby 7

2009-03-12T19:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Bobby

6 months flew by. But when i think of you... wasnt it only yesterday that you were stinking up the hall? There is a new doggy at home now. She is yuki. A maltese just like you. but she is not you. eddy says i havent been fair to her, i dont know what he meant by that. The good thing is hungry seemed to like her. they play a lot together. just like how you used to play with him. i feel better now that hungry has a playmate. she is really cute and clever. sometimes the things she does reminds me of you. like the way you would hold your food with your paws. she does that too.
I do miss you. I would go through that 12yrs we shared and the heartbreak when its time for you to leave, all over again because you are worth every single tear ive dropped.

Love always

Candy

perfect

2009-02-19T14:37:00.002+08:00

a perfect apple
glossy red
looking juicy
sweetness
it promises
and
in its core
resides
a worm
sucking nectar
growing

knowing

2009-02-04T13:15:00.002+08:00

what i dont know
wont hurt me
i rather not know
deceive me
but now that i know
its tearing me
everything else i dont know
this
will always be haunting me

Armadillos

2009-01-23T22:15:00.005+08:00

promise me
you wont remind
how it was
it used to be
you broke my shield
exposing me
for you
i've fallen
totally, completely

if you cant promise me
and remind me
how it was
it used to be
i'll put back my armor
protecting me
from you
and it all
eventually, finally

don't

2009-01-23T21:55:00.004+08:00

what a difference
a year has made
tears from yesterdays
so far away
painful chapters
they're starting to fade
wounds have healed
the scars remain
bookmarking days
i'd never
want to see again

sync

2009-01-21T14:35:00.002+08:00

so here we are
lives entwined
yours is mine
and
mine creeping into yours
living together
each day
as one

discomfort

2009-01-06T14:53:00.002+08:00

comfort is great
comfort is a bad thing
comfort is cozy
comfort is stationary

comfort does not like change
comfort is as it is
comfort does not open doors
comfort closes in

comfort is where im at
comfort i am afraid
too comfortable i'll be stagnant
tomorrow the same as today

last sunday of 2008

2008-12-28T18:02:00.002+08:00

lazy hazy sunday
with nothing to do
idle doodles
mindless games
you and i
staying home
smiling contentedly
welcoming
end of today
saying
hello tomorrow

letter to whitedogbobby 6

2008-12-19T17:57:00.002+08:00

dear bobby

how are you settling in at your new home? things here have changed a bit since you left. for one hungry is getting out a lot more.finally he is able to roam about without a lease. just like you used to. he understands "lets go" too. like you did before. i think he misses a bed companion. i still look at your corner hoping to see you curled up asleep. writing this brings tears to my eyes. i miss you so much. hungry can never sit on my lap as i type this. you used to sleep on my lap when i sit for hours in front of the mac. im not trying to change hungry to you. no one can be you. but i must say hungry is beginning to smell like you a bit. its time to shower him. bob, i know i have told you a million times but im telling you again. i love you bob. i still do. people has been asking me if im going to get another dog. for what ? to replace you? you cant be replaced. for hungry? well hungry was meant to be your companion and he seems to be enjoying 2 times the attention since you are no longer here with us. i have this sudden urge to run my fingers through your fur. to tuck you in my arm and squeeze you. u hated that. its been more then 3 months but all the thoughts i have of you seem so recent. your constant licking, your sneezes, your middle of the night yapping from dreams, your special smell and the feel of your fluffy coat on my face. i still can hear your barking. how you would go " ah wah wah". i wish you well bob. you will always be bobby the white dog in my life.

love
candy

q&a

2008-11-21T15:09:00.002+08:00

when there are no more questions
it does not mean there are answers
sometimes there are no explanations
whys and hows are just statements
accept them and perhaps
the questions are the answers

cheek to cheek

2008-11-17T12:33:00.002+08:00

that smile i wear
you placed it there
my upturned lips
beaming
every day

solved

2008-11-14T13:10:00.002+08:00

a wonderful life
content in bliss
i used to believe
it was a myth

something happened
when i wasnt looking
a kindred spirit
entered my dream

my eyes are opened
i am not awake
last piece of the puzzle
fitted, complete

its too easy
so it cant be real
nothing is perfect
how can we be?

Letter to whitedogbobby 5

2008-09-17T21:26:00.004+08:00

Dear Bobby,

J passed me a DVD of you today. It contained clips of you taken in 2005. What a happy 4 legged puffy thing you were. You did have a grand life. All that attention. Everyone who knew you had a Bobby tale of their own. Stan, Mel, Tracy, j, Andrew, Eddie, Sandy, Benny, Petrina, Clyda, Pat, Wendy, Marit, even Ivy my hairdresser and hundreds more, have something to share because you were in their lives. You were that special.

I was told that dogs have souls too, that i will see you again someday. Really? Even if its true, im still not missing you any less.

Tomorrow will mark the one week of No-Bob-In-Our-Lives. 7 days of private tears. 7 days of silence. 7 days of telling people my dog is dead. 7 days of reminding myself i no longer have 2 dogs but only 1 who needs me now more than before. I know you loved Hungry and i promise you i will take care of Hungry well since you are no longer here to protect him.

I love you Bobby. I always will.

Missing you everyday,
Candy

Letter to whitedogbobby 3

2008-09-14T09:11:00.004+08:00

Dear Bobby

How long will it take before i can talk about you without tears rolling down my face? People are still calling me expressing their shock that you are no longer with us. I am finding hard to accept it myself still.

I know i have to let go and move on. Duties to fulfill, deeds to be done. Hungry to play with and no more powdering you before slapping on a diaper.

I just found loads of video clips of you. You running around the house. You licking the floor even one of you taking a poop.

You are just a dog i keep reminding myself yet you are truly so much more. You used to lick my tears away when i was sad, sniff the air when i cook, run to me when i come home and cry when i leave you alone. You were also an ace seeker when we played hide and seek. And you loved bags. All sorts of bags. Especially one that you can get into.

A million you keeps flooding my mind.

A million reasons why you are my best friend.

Missing you loads,
Candy

Letter to whitedogbobby 2

2008-09-14T00:54:00.003+08:00

Dear Bobby

I was taking a shower yesterday and my eyes welled up. It seemed like just a moment ago i showered you, trying to wash Hungry's pee off your head. It was Sunday morning. A week ago. Your last shower. You've always hated showers. I can still see you scratching the door wanting to get out.

The house is so empty without you in it. The mats dont look the same without you sleeping on them. Hungry cant finish his food without your help. He didnt even finish the KFC i gave him. I guess KFC is more your thing than his.

Did you know that Eddy let you stick your head out one last time when we were driving to Pasir Ris? He knows you've always like the wind in your face. I should have let you enjoy that more when you could still open your eyes.

Walking Hungry without you is so strange. I kept looking around expecting you to run after Hungry like you did before. Even when Hungry and I went up the stairs, I was hoping that you realised we are heading home and run up the stairs too. After a last whiff at the pillar of cos.

There are so many things about you that thats ingrained in my life. I am feeling a void in my waking moments. And that space was once taken by a smelly licky white fluff. you.

i havent stopped thinking about you. i miss your smell. Even your sudden middle of the night barking. thank you bob. thank you for being the white dog in my life.

Love
Candy

letter to whitedogbobby

2008-09-12T13:17:00.002+08:00

Dear Bobby

Or Bob or Bobbers or Bobbery. Thank you for the wonderful 10 years we shared. You have no ideal how much you have changed my life. I wouldnt have wanted it any other way. Before you, it was always about me. You taught me selfless love and sacrifices. You taught me words and comfort neednt be spoken. You taught me simple pleasures and joy. I never knew a personality like yours.

You have touched many with your generous love. Inspired ideas that are thousand times your wee size. You are more a person than many i have met. Perhaps its because i've spent so much time with you that i know you like no other. Just as you know me.

Memories of our time together keep coming back to me in tidal waves. From the first time you were brought home by Francis to the moment you grew stiff in my arms. Its all the stuff in between that makes it so hard for me to let you go. I have thousands of your pictures but its the thought of never rubbing your soft fur and feeling your warmth that tears my heart apart.

You were truly my constant, my companion, my everyday. I miss you so much.

Love always
Candy

bob

2008-09-09T22:00:00.003+08:00

you are there
through it all
the people
the places
came and went
but you
my constant
stayed

you are tired
lying there
tedious breath
weak
nodding off
dont go
its not time yet

i love you
every day
since
that fateful
february evening
10 years ago

you are me
you've seen it all
sleep and wake
laughter and tears
by my side
all this while
secrets
only you know

weddings and funerals
parks and malls
restaurants
road trips
movies
we've done them all

dont go
im not ready yet
i dont think i ever will
dont sleep
wake up
i want
my next 10 years
with you

O

2008-08-28T17:05:00.003+08:00

vignette view
of just you
all that surrounds
complete irrelevance
just you
all of it
your voice, scent, touch

envelopes me

reality does not exist
without you
in it

spot

2008-08-25T17:53:00.002+08:00

i wouldnt know what to do
if i were in her shoes
because she loves you
she wants you to be happy too

but if i were her
would i be cool
or will i be feeling
like a complete fool

i dont want to ever go there
to accept another with you
then again am i not
she is after all
still
very much
a part of you

expired

2008-08-21T11:52:00.004+08:00

the promises we made
how long are they valid
can other promises
void the earlier ones
updating the promises
as and when they feel right

its all about the moment
that place that time
yes i know you meant it
just like i did
when we said those words
at that moment
that place that time

the moment has passed
we are no longer at that place
the time now is different
so really
does what we said before
still apply

boo

2008-08-19T13:49:00.002+08:00

haunting ghosts of yesterdays
looming ever so close
constant reminders
of what was there
nightmares that never woke
there are no escapes
nor prayers to end it all
like a shadow that follows
everywhere we go
no ventures are without
those lingering dark souls

yours

2008-08-13T11:31:00.005+08:00

rites of the unearthy
worshiping devil
a faustian bargain
open doors
take my soul
rake through it

jolting flashbacks
trembles
shivers

a decadant

senseless

diabolatry

looking glass

2008-08-11T11:30:00.003+08:00

we've all seen it before
how our future should be
it was so clear
there were no doubts
we were so sure

yet, it never happens
as it should be
something, somehow, comes about
changing it, shifting
till, its becomes what
we've never dreamt it to be

how could we have known
what the unfolded beholds
when all we feel today
might just evaporate
and die by the break of dawn
tomorrow

2008

2008-08-06T16:24:00.004+08:00

january was empty
trying to fit in
february was a novelty
every day a discovery
march was a ride
truth and honesty
april was travel
foreign and chilly
may was the move
finally settled in
june was making it real
saying hello awkwardly
july was bugs
ill and sickly
august is now
and what would it be

blue

2008-08-05T13:58:00.003+08:00

i love porn
they dun discriminate
all sizes and races
they get in on great

its good exercise
it sure looks it
they must be really fit
to contort like this

spank is good for skin
it must be true
have you ever seen
a zitty porn queen?

i love porn
the actors are so talented

acrobats and athletes
screamers whiners and grunters
shooters squirters pearl necklace makers
lickers suckers and
cream pies bakers

its good to know
proud professionals
working hard doing their job
screaming from my PC

i love porn
i am not sick
its very much like
channel 12 discovery

there are just so much to look learn and see

because

2008-07-29T18:09:00.002+08:00

just because you said its right
does it make it so
just because you think
thats how things should be
is it really so
just because you wished
for everyone to be at peace
how do you explain the wars
just because you said you know
tell me
just how much do you really know

deaf

2008-07-29T10:37:00.005+08:00

i hear a voice
whispering in my head
telling me things
i'd rather left unsaid

i cant ignore it
cant switch it off
on and on it drones
nagging non stop

i should do this
i cant do that
stop being chicken shit
get on with it instead

i rather not hear
i dont want to know
so what if you're to say
see...i've told you so

really

2008-07-23T19:14:00.002+08:00

isn't it strange
how we can transfer
love
from one to another
in just
a blink of the eye

undying love dies
eternity ends
when
heart decides
the object of desire
ceases
to tingle
that feeling
that once was the reason
why the sun rise

it wasn't a lie
spoken in honesty
promises made
they're only valid
when love
was still in the scene

so

to all i've loved before
it wasn't that i didn't love you
i did and meant it completely
too bad you are now expired
you should have cashed in
while i was still
giddily in it

weaken

2008-07-22T12:20:00.002+08:00

the after glow
moistened skin
the smile wore
a long sigh
our eyes closed
that was just one way
of saying

i love you

welcome back

2008-07-22T03:24:00.003+08:00

it's good to see you again
i've missed you
i sure they too are
glad to see you back
i hope you'll stay
for a while and more
don't cut it short
like you did before
i promise you
you wouldn't be alone
i can try
to make your stay
a pleasant one
just don't go
you've had done good
stay with us

we've all missed you

sandman

2008-07-21T10:42:00.002+08:00

your past and mine
they collided last night
on an astral plane
in chapters
punctuated by jolted wakes

18 july 2008

2008-07-18T10:50:00.002+08:00

it was among friends
loved ones
that i declared
promised
a lifetime

it is among strangers
alone
that im swearing
truths
to restart

it is with you
together
i found strength
spring
after a long winter

breaking

2008-07-16T10:32:00.003+08:00

i can hear the screaming
of threats, nasties and abuse
i can sense the dreads
the anger, disappointments and regrets
what happened to the love
the belief of bliss and joy
have they forgotten
the promises made
when they decided on their union
was it that long ago
they last time they laughed
cant they see what they saw
in that person
they've once sworn eternity to before
it pains me to see
how easy contempt can breed
why is it so hard
to stay
in love constantly

one more to 6

2008-07-15T11:42:00.002+08:00

complete me please
i am not whole
fill in my void
of all thats missing
tear down my wall
let the sun shine in
bear my weight
of what i come with

dance with me
i have no music
sing to me
in a foreign language
feel my pain
i am laughing
feed me
i am not hungry

draw a line
till both ends meet
that is how
it'll be complete
take your time
there is no rush
unfine as fine can be
five months
and
still counting

morning

2008-07-15T11:10:00.002+08:00

i dreamt of you
of us
of what it was like

i recalled the moments
the talks
the laughters and fights

i woke with a tear
shed for whats lost
what that can never be mine

im here now minus you
a new chapter
one, without us in our lives

come home

2008-07-03T21:18:00.004+08:00

swirling smoke
dances away from
shortening tobacco
weakening ash gathers
about to fall
hearing your voice
but you are not here
seeing shadows
casted by you
just yesterday
that dent on the pillow
made not by me
but you
reminding screaming
your absence
im pleading
come home
just walk through that door
before
this cigarette dies
i dont want to fire up
another one
alone

LLME

2008-07-03T18:11:00.003+08:00

can you hear it
emptiness amplified
are you feeling it
hollowness inside
hating it
weaknesses
no more fights
surrendering
yes you have
finally got me
tied

ouch

2008-07-03T00:43:00.003+08:00

its all so familiar
those words uttered
ive heard them before
they still hurt

so im blatant
its that obvious
is it so wrong
or am i oblivious

i thought it wont repeat
how wrong was i
ive made that mistake once
how could i miss the sign

i will draw back
i know what to do
it wouldn't happen again
im nobody's fool

jealousy

2008-06-27T15:42:00.002+08:00

i am not mad
i am in love
i want you
all to myself
i am selfish
possessive perhaps
if you talk to any girls
i will kill you myself
i am not crazy
i want you
all to myself
because i love you
i wont share
with anyone else

game

2008-06-26T02:11:00.002+08:00

hello
over coffee
hello before a movie
hello again
over some late night drinks
repeating those childhoods tales
to whomever we fancy a bit
hello hello
lets get sometime to eat
dinner in a restaurant
are you trying to impress me
hello
do you like to dance
come closer
i like the smell of your skin
hello
hello
come on in
my folks are not home
hello
and hello
after this night
will u call me tomorrow

woosh

2008-06-23T16:23:00.003+08:00

why do time flies
when im with you
it feels like ages
yet
its all still so new
no im not complaining
dont get me wrong
i guess its just that
i never knew
how the same minute
could go by so fast
just because
i am with you

fear

2008-06-20T14:17:00.002+08:00

i dont need you
i tell myself
you're nice to have
but without, im fine as well
so you make my days brighter
and warm my bed at night
i was happy with some dark clouds
and my blanket was enough
i dont want to need you
it scares me to think
what if you are not around
i am afraid to lose you
therefore i think
im better off by myself

again

2008-06-19T17:11:00.002+08:00

i was there
i heard those words
it was wonderful
all was great

and then i was there
i heard those words
it was horrible
all was hell

and now im here
hearing those words
i am afraid
should i give up now
so i wont ever
hear those words again

or

2008-06-17T23:06:00.002+08:00

what do you see
when you look at me
virgin or whore
perfections or flaws

what do you hear
when i talk to you
am i sharing
or am i complaining

how do you feel
when i say i love you
a sense of warmth
or dreary shivers

over

2008-06-16T01:49:00.002+08:00

what if love dies tomorrow
when my heart dont flutter when i see you
when goodbyes are relieves
and excuses are honeyed words replaced

what if love dies tomorrow
when all is still the same
but everything has changed
when i see nothing but flaws

what if love dies tomorrow
when nothing you do can revive its life
when what we shared becomes a dread
and i cant bear to hear another tale from you

when love does die tomorrow
give me strength for honesty
i hope you would understand
it happens
you know it does
because
love had died for you too

name

2008-06-16T01:35:00.002+08:00

why do i say your name with a laugh
not one of joy but resignation
usually before that
some random thoughts
of things i rather not recall
shrugging them off with a laugh

why do i say your name with a sigh
not one of contentment but whys
i cant believe we've walked that path
well knowing we wouldnt last
destroying what we had
reducing it to what we have now

why do i say your name with a smile
a glow from within i cant hide
your voice echoing in my head
the comfort and peace provide
just by uttering your name
my lips turn
there, you have a smile

show

2008-06-11T23:33:00.003+08:00

dont let the magic die
i dont care what you do
keep pulling those bunnies out of your hat
or even endless scarves will do

amuse me keep me tickled
wave that magic wand of yours
make me laugh and gasp in awe
dont tell me youve ran out of tricks. thats all

dont let the magic die
please please just try
i dont want to know how you do it
all the logic behind the tricks
just make happiness out of thin air
dont ever let me stop laughing

hey

2008-06-04T16:53:00.002+08:00

im unsure of my tomorrows with you
i cant bear my todays without you
im glad for all my yesterdays with you
im not thinking anymore as long as i have you

written in the stars

2008-05-30T22:07:00.003+08:00

i have a cloud
above my head
its not the smoke
from my 37th cigarettes
my visions are blurry
from the rain
seizures in my chest
a constant annoying pain
images of you
flashing in my head
sleepless nights
recalling what you've said
all that promises
are just charades
im beyond blaming
accepting, this is just my fate

cycle

2008-05-27T22:34:00.002+08:00

routine:
wake
eat
shit
work
fuck
sleep

routine:
meet
date
know
fuck
fight
break

routine:
cry
smoke
drink
fuck
chuck
laugh

routine:
born
crawl
walk
run
stand
die

apart

2008-05-27T22:17:00.002+08:00

i am here
and you are there
time apart
into space i stare

here alone
familiar tunes plays
there with her
what do you say

you've been quiet
no news from you
i shall not pry
you'll talk when its due

i am here
waiting for you
when you are done there
return, hopefully, you will

cards

2008-05-23T23:47:00.002+08:00

welcome home
its as much mine
as its yours
take a shower
make yourself comfortable
invite your friends
for a game of cards
dont mind me
i'll watch TV
when im tired
i'll go to bed
when you are done
you can join me instead
im happy for you
finally you have a place
you can call
home sweet home

whilst stock lasts

2008-05-22T23:04:00.004+08:00

love is the reason
why i am blind
love clouds judgment
and makes the nasties fine
love is forgiving
to usual wrongs
love allows mistakes
without a single sigh

what happens when love dies
my vision restored
clarity before my eyes
all becomes black and white
no more soft filtered sights
will i be as forgiving
very unlikely
so when love cant survive
be nice and say good bye

read

2008-05-21T11:52:00.003+08:00

if you know me
can i not talk
not make decisions
not care at all

if you know me
theres no need to share
nothing to worry
i should be happy

if you know me
you'll know what to do
read whats on my mind
without any clues

but no one knows me
even i dont know too
you already know me
in ways that you do

chance

2008-05-18T10:39:00.003+08:00

we both have
done that before
hurt the ones
who love us
broke their hearts
watched them cry
said we're sorry
shared the tears
wished we hadnt
crossed that line
into others arms
we choose to hide
lured by dreams
and empty promises
foolishness
we cant deny
if we could
turn back time
start again
from day one
would we have
did what we've done
and save them
the broken hearts

zipped

2008-05-15T19:04:00.002+08:00

so i say
all is fine
deep inside
i want to cry
smiles i wear
every day
shield the heart
conflicting fights
nonsense words
belly laughs
tools i use
to cover up
i should talk
open up
tell the truth
let it out
choking
slowly dying
words are lost
say what
what for
allowing silence
to brew
the rot inside

its me

2008-05-15T10:18:00.002+08:00

when i say goodbye
its because
i cant say hello
when i say
i cant stay
its because
i have to go
when i say we need time apart
its because
i need to be alone
when i say theres no future for us
its because
the present has no hope
when i say its not you its me
its because
its me
that dont love you anymore

forgetting

2008-05-15T00:51:00.003+08:00

remind me remind me
how did it all started
how did we get here
is it better now
could it have been different

remind me remind me
what did you see in me
am i still the same
is this what you expected
or has it been just a dream

remind me remind me
of the journey we shared
the laughters the tears
of memories made
moments we aint suppose to forget

remind me remind me
or maybe you should not
if i need you to remind me
perhaps just perhaps
they are not meant to stay

sweet

2008-05-09T13:06:00.003+08:00

see that apple
so juicy and red
tempting inviting
sink in your teeth

oh dont mind me
im just a snake
this is my tree
and my apples are sweet

come come take a bite
for you its free
i promise i wont tell
no one needs to know

the promised joy
that unknown place
give in to it
welcome to my serpants land

stalking

2008-05-08T00:19:00.002+08:00

i spy with my little eye
i know where you have been
i know who are are seeing
i know when you sleep
i know the movies youve seen
i know the books you read
i know the music you are listening to
i know who are your friends
i know where you are going
i know what's on your mind
i know what games you are playing
i know when you are online
cos i have been on your facebook
just about a million times

tick tock

2008-05-07T17:52:00.002+08:00

time is an antidote
time is a poison
it can cure a broken heart
it can numb the love
intensity fades with time
pain and joy entwined
wounds heal eventually
love dies a little every day
when the scab falls off
you are healed to love again
when love becomes a chore
the journey to heartbreak begins

the antidote is time
the poison is time

fine

2008-05-06T17:43:00.002+08:00

between the lines
the truth lies
unspoken, disguised
by words spoken aloud
charades played
an act of all is fine

projected strength
that strong facade
a hard shell that hides
the hurt inside
laughters cover up
those unshed tears

followed by

a bleeding heart denied

flip

2008-05-06T17:35:00.002+08:00

right or wrong
flip of a coin
good and bad
a line separates
you and him
different time
different place
then versus now
i had him
and you have me

177155

2008-05-02T15:18:00.002+08:00

i miss you
your voice
your scent
the feel of your skin
next to mine

i miss you
your laughter
your silly gestures
your nonsense theories
and those childhood adventures

i miss you
i really do
sitting here alone
im wondering
if you miss me too

complete

2008-04-29T12:46:00.002+08:00

i must have taken a left
when you took a right
gone up the stairs
as you went down on the other side
left the parties
when you arrived
ended my cigarette breaks
when you came for one
all these years we've never met
somehow its always by a thread
we could have, we were so close
yet we have never said hello
until
that fateful night
in darkness by surprise
and now
i have you
and you
have i

now

2008-04-27T19:04:00.004+08:00

shhh
dont say a word
just hold my hand
let me feel your warmth
lets close our eyes
enjoy the moment
we have us
no promises
nothing of tomorrows
let each minute unfolds
naturally on its own
relish our time together
make memories
let them be sweet
for comfort
when i finally
dont have thee

woolly

2008-04-25T16:12:00.003+08:00

have you seen sunshine
in the darkest hours
felt the breeze
when the air seemed dead
have you heard music
among cries
or nested in warmth
when the storm raged on

i wish for you a beacon
l'll blow you a kiss
I'll send a nightingale your way
but
you'll have to wait
while i get your sweater knitted

time

2008-04-24T17:04:00.002+08:00

make time
to talk
to see
not just look
touch to remind
and share
to know

make time
not for movies
nor dinner out for two
stop filling in
when what's inside
has fallen out

make time
to be honest
be strong
reverse, alight
carry-on
hold tight
let go
and its gone

meet

2008-04-23T02:43:00.002+08:00

hello hello
good-looking
where come you from
oh really
here
ive not seen you before
i'd remember you
im sure
a face like yours
how could i have missed
anyway
hello hello
you smell nice
cut the chase
your place or mine

ghost

2008-04-22T15:24:00.003+08:00

the shadow that follows
everywhere
darker, sharper in day
come night
by the faintest star
it's still here
to stay
there is no escape
no running away
unless there is no light
like when i shut my eyes
the shadow then ceases
and
so will you
altogether
from my sight

education

2008-04-21T02:29:00.002+08:00

is this how its like
still learning
yet knowing

words spoken with a smile
private thoughts shared
from a lone gesture

learning when wrong
right
its because i know

with you

2008-04-19T20:12:00.001+08:00

i have forgotten
whats its like
being on my own
i know it wasnt long ago
i was fine
and quite enjoying it
but then you came
and then you stayed
now i cant imagine
how its like

being on my own

snooze

2008-04-17T02:11:00.003+08:00

i see you sleeping
you have your glasses on
battlestar couldnt keep you awake
i guess
tomorrow this episode repeats
shall i wake you
you look like you are smiling
are you dreaming
whats is it about
i wonder where you are
oh i hear a snore
you are very funny
ok im going to wake you
the couch hasnt space for me

play

2008-04-16T11:52:00.003+08:00

lets play house
you and i
set the table
i'll make tea
2 sugar and milk please
you'll say
and
we'll read the sunday papers
silently
the dogs
resting by our feet
when we are done
its laundry time
separate the colours
from the white
you'll remind me
which shirts not to tumble dry
then
we'll sit in front of the tele
chasing dvds
you and i will fall asleep
to wake and wonder
what to eat
to cook or not
we'll ponder a bit
cos its sunday
we'll probably drive
to a little stall down the street
where we will have
cabbage, pork chop and some curry
i could dream on more
it will never end
but i can only play house
if you do say yes

say

2008-04-13T13:37:00.006+08:00

the future
you say
you see it so clear
laughters we share now
will still be heard
in years to come
you and me

you say we fit
like no one before
our history
our lives
you say
we were
preparing ourselves
for us

you've never been happier
so you say
every day
such joy
a contentment
thats beaming
from within
a complete bliss

and then
you ask

what say me

opps

2008-04-12T10:19:00.003+08:00

for a moment
i saw it
a very fleeting moment
i could have missed it
i looked again
but its gone
everything is the same
yet
something has changed
its there
i know
im sure i saw
i am wary now
a little afraid
the next time it shows
it wont be for a moment
it might just stay instead

2 words

2008-04-10T23:37:00.002+08:00

quiet moments
alone time
sieving thoughts
counting dimes
saying hello
solo self
silent echos
humid chills
thawing insecurities
empty canvas
dried ink
full pages
meaning nothing
reset button
proud nipple
blinking glow
last cigarette
dancing smoke
splattered ash
positioned finger
deep breath
collected angst
hissing escape
distance snores
reminded chance
decision decided
pushed in
new chapter

tomorrow

2008-04-10T00:04:00.004+08:00

12.04am
4 minutes into another day
just 5 minutes ago
it was yesterday
i lost wednesday
unknowingly
thursday slipped in
silently
3 minutes passed
while im sitting here
typing
staring
wondering
what letters to hit
surprising myself
when words appear
strung into a sentence
then sentences
another 8 minutes lost
thursday is dying

im 1431 minutes closer to friday

?

2008-04-09T18:57:00.003+08:00

questions questions
why what and how
when will i know
can i have the answer now

is something amiss
are things alright
did you hear that
was anyone there

should you be here
could you have known
isnt it scary
cant you see

am i ready
do i want to
will i do it
can you tell me

havent i asked
all
these
questions
before